No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
