WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
