I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
