she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
