The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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