He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
