then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
