Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
how drunk are you?
Several
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
