Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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