tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
