I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
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