dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
