im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I need a burrito and a hug.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
