dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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