it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
