o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Randomize
