6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
