i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
