We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
