I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Betty ford says i'm here all night
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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