Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
