so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
It's rum buckets o'clock
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
