If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
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