i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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