I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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