Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
