i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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