someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
