Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
