What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Let's get the cat blown out
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
