I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
