Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
