u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
