I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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