"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
