I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
ugly people sure do ruin things
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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