At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
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