my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
