Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Randomize
