Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
