I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
