Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Randomize
