Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
