I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
