I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
