Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
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