It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
