I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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