My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
