I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I cannot find my penis.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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