Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
