Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Randomize
