At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
