The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
