Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
