I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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