DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
