hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
