im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
