You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
This baby is an asshole
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize