**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize