dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
