I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
