I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
That reminds me...we need to get swords
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
