last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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