We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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