i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
