OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
