tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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